on starting over.

It’s been ages since I wrote anything here and it’s been quite a season in the months that have passed. Right now I find myself relaxing on the couch at my friends home in Australia. It is weird to even type that… I am in Australia – 14 hours from home by plane and in a different country, let alone a different continent.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot and exploring even more. In my wanderings I have discovered myself to be in the not so delicate spiral of a relapse and I need to write the words swelling up deep in my being in order to start life over. I’ve learned you can always start over no matter the hour.

So I have ideas and plans and dreams but so little willpower to act upon them. In this season I’ve learned I’ll never have the willpower on my own but just how much I need the power of Christ in me to get up, get out, and let go. It is time to get down to the business of careful spontaneity. Planned chaos. I know this may seem a contradiction but I assure you it is not. It’s the fragile balance between knowing what to let go and what to hold onto – and actually doing the letting go and holding on. Life is about the balance and the surrender – and it’s time to practice the simplicity of wisdom without the overbearing power of rules and regulations. It’s time to figure out which rules I need and which are broken and breaking.

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