I’ve been loitering around the blogging community for a couple years now. I have always wanted to create my own blog, but it feels like I don’t fit into any of the mainstream niches – motherhood blog, theologian bloggers, cleaning & organising blog, sports, what-have-you. I felt like my voice never mattered. I felt like there was nothing I could bring to the table.
That’s how it’s been most of my life. I was the girl whose well of self-worth was completely dry.
The first time I remember hating myself I was 7 years old. My parents were in the middle of a bitter divorce, I didn’t have many friends and things were changing way too fast for my seven year old mind to keep up. All the grown ups (and my peers) voiced their opinions around me and just went along for the ride. Things didn’t get better as I got older and I feel even deeper into worthlessness and depression. Things got so dark that I tried to kill myself three different times while I was in high school and college.
But the Lord knew me in my mother’s womb and has been calling me to his side since I was a little girl – even if I did not always believe it.
The past year has found my life turned upside-down from what it was. A year ago I was living in New Jersey a new college graduate with a decent paying retail job and a nice car. Now I find myself living in Florida without a job or a car, BUT it is a life that is actually much better than what it was. The Lord is full of surprise blessings like that.
The secrets I held deep within my bones have been exposed one-by-one and for the first time in my life I am finding my voice. I think I’ve found my niche – and it is safe within the Father’s arms. I blog from the place of a single young woman who is exploring her singleness in this season, pursuing Jesus and further education, has a passion for arts, crafts, and caring for children. I speak from where I sit still resting on the Father’s lap soaking in his wisdom and love. I speak with my unique voice – that truly does matter.
I am worth loving.
I am worth more than my scars.
I am worth it because my Abba loves me in spite of me.
This is my life and slowly I am discovering just how much I matter to the Lord and how that is why I am so worth loving. – By the way, that’s a shout out to two fabulous organisations: So Worth Loving & Lionhart.